Whispers of Despair: Suicide is Never Loud

Suicide often comes without the loud alarms we expect—it hides behind forced smiles and silent struggles. Many of us have lost someone close, not realising the depth of their pain until it's too late. In this blog, I share my deeply personal experience of losing a dear friend to suicide, reflecting on the silent signs we missed and the painful lessons I’ve learned. It’s a story of heartbreak, guilt, and regret but also one of awareness, understanding, and the importance of being present for those suffering, even when they don’t ask for help.

Eight years ago, I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. He was always there for me during our college days—full of life, energy, and creativity. But everything changed after one incident that deeply affected him. He was never the same after that. Despite trying hard to help him out of his depression, we couldn’t.

Whenever he felt down, he would call me, and we’d talk for hours. He went to a new college for his higher studies, and I remember telling him, "I wish you could be here with me." Looking back, I wish I had been there for him instead.

Around that time, I was going through a difficult phase in my life and couldn’t always answer his calls or messages. I needed help myself. I started giving him empty advice—telling him to "stay strong" like people often do, not realising it wasn’t enough. Slowly, his calls became less frequent, and his messages came in rarely. I thought he was doing better, that his life was improving. He seemed happy after a long time, maybe too happy.

One day, he told me, "I feel like leaving this world. I think people would be happier if I weren’t here." I tried to talk him through it but didn’t check on him afterwards. One day, he called me several times, but I was so caught up in my problems that I didn’t answer. He sent me a final message, saying he wouldn’t bother me anymore. That night, I tried calling him, but there was no reply.

The next day, I got the call that broke me—he had taken his life. I was devastated. Till now, the guilt and remorse I have over his death will never cease to exist. I was never the same person again. A part of me died with him.

Losing my best friend has taught me profound lessons about mental health, human connection, and the fragility of life itself. These are not easy lessons to learn, but they are essential for all of us to understand, especially when someone we love struggles.

1. Always Follow Up

No matter how deep or meaningful, a conversation is not enough when someone is in intense pain. Consistent check-ins are essential. When someone expresses hopelessness or despair, it’s not enough to advise. You need to follow up the next day and the day after. Silence can be dangerous. I learned this hard and wish I had checked on my friend more often. Consistent support is crucial.

2. Never Dismiss a Cry for Help

When my friend said, "I feel like leaving this world," I didn’t take it seriously enough. In hindsight, I can see that this was a critical warning sign. Sometimes, what seems like a passing statement can be the very thing that indicates the depth of someone’s struggle. Every cry for help, no matter how subtle, should be taken seriously. Listen with compassion and act with urgency. Never brush off someone’s pain as fleeting or temporary.

3. Avoid Empty Reassurances

In moments of difficulty, it’s easy to fall back on phrases like "stay strong" or "chin up." But these words often minimise the weight of someone’s emotional suffering. They can make a person feel like their pain is being dismissed. Instead, offer a safe space for them to express their emotions. Listen without judgment. Rather than giving clichéd advice, try to understand their feelings, validate their struggles, and let them know they are not alone.

4. Mental Health Requires More Than Presence

It’s not just about being physically there for someone but about being emotionally available. Sometimes, we think we’re offering support just by being around, but it may not be enough if we’re not truly connecting with their struggles. Even if we’re dealing with our mental health challenges, we must recognise when others need us to. Sometimes, it’s about seeking help together, not carrying the weight alone.

5. Cheerfulness Can Be Deceiving

When someone struggling suddenly becomes overly cheerful, it can be easy to think they’ve recovered. But sometimes, this false cheerfulness is a sign of more profound pain, a resignation to their situation. My friend’s sudden happiness wasn’t recovery—it was a mask. It was the calm before the storm. If someone who’s been depressed for a long time suddenly seems too happy, don’t let your guard down. Keep checking in.

6. Take Your Mental Health Seriously

While it’s important to help others, neglecting your mental health can make it impossible to be there for those who need you. I struggled, and it kept me from fully supporting my friend. Seeking support for your well-being is crucial. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You’ll be better equipped to help others by caring for your mental health.

7. Time Matters

Sometimes, the call you didn’t pick up or the message you didn’t send makes all the difference. Time matters when someone is in crisis. Things might have turned out differently if my friend’s calls had been answered that day. I’ll never know. But I do know that silence can be deadly. Don’t let time slip by when someone you care about is reaching out.

Final Thoughts

The loss of my friend has left a permanent mark on my life, but it has also shaped the way I understand mental health and the importance of staying connected. If there’s anything I’ve learned from this, it’s that we must take mental health seriously—our own and the mental health of those we care about. The most minor actions, like answering a call or sending a message, can make all the difference.

If someone in your life is struggling, don’t wait. Reach out, check-in, and offer your full support. Let them know they’re not alone. Because sometimes, the difference between life and death is just one conversation away.